Chapter 9: I Too Have Known the Treatment of an Emperor

Seeing Empress Ma calm down, Zhu Yuanzhang began to pour out his grievances.

"I still remember when he started his studies at six. Before the morning classes had even ended, he’d run off to the military camp to peek at the soldiers training. I asked him why he wasn't in class, and guess what he said? He said training was much more interesting than school. I tried to persuade him with all my heart, saying, 'You are a prince; only by mastering the wisdom of the sages taught by your tutors will you know how to govern your fiefdom in the future.' And guess what he replied? He said, 'The academy teaches the principles of Cheng-Zhu Neo-Confucianism, not the wisdom of the sages. Governing a fief is the duty of the princely establishment's officials; leave professional matters to professionals, while my duty is to find those professionals.' Can you imagine a six-year-old child saying that? And the worst part is, his words left me speechless."

"Who wasn't a genius in their youth? But when I was fourteen, all I thought about was whether I’d have a meal the next day. And him? He’s already started wreaking havoc on my Great Ming Dynasty."

Empress Ma chuckled, thinking to herself that like father, like son, though she realized that wasn't quite right.

She teased him, "Isn't that a case of 'if the upper beam is crooked, the lower ones will be too'? When you were twenty-five, you were just a poor soldier, yet you dared to climb the wall into the commander's daughter's room. If I had known you were so troublesome—and would produce such a troublesome son—I should have had my father’s men beat you to death back then."

Zhu Yuanzhang laughed sheepishly, "Wasn't I just young and reckless back then?"

"So it’s allowed for you to be young and reckless, but not your son?" Empress Ma scolded playfully.

Uh, it seems you two have forgotten that someone is still kneeling in the torrential rain outside the palace. If you two keep flirting like this, someone is really going to die.

Just as Zhu Shuang was becoming lightheaded and on the verge of collapsing, Eunuch Huang pushed open the palace doors, anxious. "Your Majesty, something terrible has happened!"

"What kind of nonsense are you spouting? You’re the one having a terrible time."

"The Prince of Qin... the Prince of Qin says he wants to go to the Imperial Ancestral Temple to keep company with our ancestors."

"If he wants to go, let him go. I’ll punish him by making him kneel there for three days to reflect on his mistakes."

"Your Majesty, the Prince of Qin said to prepare a fine coffin for him; he wants to go down and keep the ancestors company."

"Is this little beast trying to target my Ancestral Temple after wreaking havoc in the imperial prison?"

"Rebellious son! Get in here!"

At Zhu Yuanzhang’s thunderous roar, the nearly unconscious Zhu Shuang was carried into the Qianqing Palace by several eunuchs.

Empress Ma was shocked, throwing down the robe she was holding. "My poor son! Heavens, who gave him that huge bump on his forehead?"

Zhu Yuanzhang, seeing his wife looking at him with hostility, quickly explained, "It has nothing to do with me! I’ve been with you the whole time!"

He then glanced at Huang Gou'er beside him.

Huang Gou'er was pale with fright. "Your Majesty, the Prince himself said he had been kneeling too long and got up to stretch, then fainted and hit the steps. We were extremely careful when we carried him."

Zhu Yuanzhang grunted and, under Empress Ma's murderous gaze, touched Zhu Shuang's forehead.

"Ugh, this is bad. The boy's forehead is burning up. You wretch, go call the imperial physician!"

Having said that, he kicked Huang Gou'er out the door.

***

Zhu Shuang had a long dream. In it, he was sitting on the Dragon Throne in the Fengtian Hall, looking down at all the ministers. He heard them chanting "Long live the Emperor," and there was Zhu Yuanzhang kneeling before him.

He cleared his throat and said loudly, "I appoint Zhu Yuanzhang as the Retired Emperor."

Seeing the man hadn't thanked him for the favor, he glared at old Zhu.

Zhu Yuanzhang kowtowed like a machine, "Your subject, Zhu Yuanzhang, accepts the imperial decree and thanks Your Majesty for your great kindness."

Zhu Shuang laughed in satisfaction, "Heh heh heh."

Feeling the back of the dragon throne was hard and uncomfortable, he agilely turned over.

*Thump!* A roar followed.

"You little beast, how dare you!"

Zhu Shuang woke up with a start.

He saw Zhu Yuanzhang, dressed in his nightclothes, holding his waist by the bedside, fire spraying from his eyes.

*Ah, why is old Zhu here at the Jiaotai Palace? And did I kick his imperial backside?*

*I must be sleepwalking. Yes, sleepwalking.*

He pulled the quilt over himself, turned over, and fell back into a daze.

Being young is great; you can fall asleep anywhere.

Zhu Yuanzhang heard his son’s snoring and his face changed instantly. He picked up the belt hanging by the head of the bed and gave him a sound thrashing.

Painfully awakened through the quilt, Zhu Shuang cursed, "What kind of madness is this? Can't you go home and sleep in the middle of the night?"

Zhu Yuanzhang was trembling with rage, pointing a finger like a sword, "You little beast, get off my dragon bed this instant!"

Zhu Shuang was dazed. *Did I sleepwalk into the Qianqing Palace? And I'm sleeping in the same bed as old Zhu?* If he weren't old Zhu’s son, he’d want to report this to the authorities.

Zhu Shuang scrambled up, touched the nine dragons carved on the bedpost, and tapped it—*clack, clack*—yes, it was gold-plated wood. He then touched the bed board beneath him, which had only a thin mattress. *This damn thing is too hard.*

*What kind of lousy dragon bed is this? It’s not even as comfortable as my Simmons mattress from my past life.*

"If I'm not sleeping, I'm not sleeping. I don't care anyway."

Old Zhu saw him walking away with the only quilt and scolded, "Little beast, is that dragon-patterned quilt something you are allowed to cover yourself with?"

"Oh." Zhu Shuang dropped the quilt and grabbed the cloak hanging on the rack instead, walking out and leaving old Zhu dumbfounded in place.

***

Zhu Shuang saw only a few palace maids and eunuchs standing by and the guards at the door. The Jiaotai Palace was miles away, and he couldn't have these people carry him back in the middle of the night. *Sigh, the troubles of having no car.*

So, under the dazed gazes of the palace staff, he walked toward the highest chair in the Qianqing Palace. *Well, at least this dragon throne is spacious enough to make do for the night.*

At 3:45 AM, the human alarm clock, Head Eunuch Huang, was preparing to start his routine. As he walked into the Qianqing Palace, he nearly lost his head in fright.

*My little ancestor, how did you end up sleeping on the Emperor’s dragon throne? And you're covered in the Emperor’s cloak? Is that something you can cover yourself with? That’s grounds for extermination of the entire clan!*

Eunuch Huang originally wanted to wake him, but seeing Zhu Shuang sleeping soundly, he lost his nerve. *The Emperor isn't worried, so why should I, a eunuch, be?*

He scurried to the bedroom and whispered, "Your Majesty, it’s time for the morning court."

Zhu Yuanzhang had two large dark circles under his eyes; he couldn't help it, he’d had a row with his wife the night before. After the physician examined him, Empress Ma had dumped the troublemaker Zhu Shuang here and stormed back to the Kunning Palace. Before leaving, she had shot him a glare, meaning he’d better take good care of their son or else.

Last time he angered her by taking a concubine, he had to eat hard, stale steamed buns for half a month and even chipped a tooth. An Emperor had actually spent half the night taking care of this rebellious son. The last time he had taken care of someone like this was when he was a soldier and was looking after his nephew, Zhu Wenzheng.

Zhu Yuanzhang got up and let the eunuchs dress him. As soon as he walked into the main hall and saw Zhu Shuang snoring, he flew into a rage. "Little beast, get off my dragon throne this instant!"

Zhu Shuang, who had just been dreaming of having a deep conversation with a certain Japanese language teacher from his past life, grumbled, "I'm getting up, I'm getting up. It's just a piece of broken wood, who cares about it?"

"You rebellious son, you are truly lawless! Do you know how many people in this world sharpen their heads and dream of sitting on that chair?" Zhu Yuanzhang felt that looking down on his dragon throne was looking down on him.

As a materialist raised under the red flag in the future, to Zhu Shuang, this chair was just gold-leafed wood; it wasn't even a precious antique.

"Does sitting on it make you a true dragon emperor? Why don't you fly to the sky then? It’s just a broken chair, why all the fuss?"

Having said that, the still-groggy Zhu Shuang kicked the dragon throne twice for good measure.

"If I don't beat you to death today, I'm not your father!" Zhu Yuanzhang was so angry he kicked off his shoe and threw it at him.

***

"It's all your own doing, old man. How about that, you're late for work now, aren't you?" Zhu Shuang said with a smirk, sporting a shoeprint on his face.

"I haven't even ridden in a car since I got to the Forbidden City. Give me a lift."

Zhu Yuanzhang, who had just sat down in the imperial carriage, ignored him with a cold snort.

"Depart!" Eunuch Huang shouted in a shrill voice.

"Wait! I haven't gotten on yet!"

At these words, Eunuch Huang looked as if he’d been struck by lightning. *Little ancestor, are you trying to rebel right in front of the Emperor?*

Zhu Shuang leaped onto the carriage in a single bound. The young guard nearby wanted to draw his sword, but Zhu Shuang pinned his arm down.

Eunuch Huang whispered, "You blockhead, do you dare interfere in the Emperor’s family business?"

"Such audacity! This is my imperial carriage, get off!" If it weren't for the fact that the large bump on his son's forehead was still bleeding, Zhu Yuanzhang would have punched this troublemaker.

"I'm in a hurry to get to work," Zhu Shuang said shamelessly. "Besides, I've already slept on the dragon bed; if I don't sit in the imperial carriage, wouldn't that lack a sense of ceremony?"

Zhu Yuanzhang laughed out of extreme anger. "Should I let you sit on my dragon throne too?"

"That would be just great." He smiled and shimmied his backside over, even squeezing Zhu Yuanzhang to the side.

"Shameless and unruly," Zhu Yuanzhang scolded with a smile. Ever since he became a commander, no son had been this intimate with him. He waved his hand to depart.

The father and son sat together in the carriage. Eunuch Huang wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, thinking, *The Prince of Qin is more favored by the Emperor than even the Crown Prince.*

After a while, Zhu Shuang looked bored. *It turns out the treatment of a top-tier official in the Great Ming Dynasty isn't that great.*

Zhu Yuanzhang asked curiously, "You rebellious son, how did it feel to sit on my dragon throne?"

"Every day, you wake up earlier than a chicken, sleep later than a dog, eat worse than a pig, and work more than an ox. There’s no fun in being a wage-slave emperor."

Zhu Yuanzhang laughed, "My life has been bitter. In the first half, I was a long-term laborer for a landlord and begged for food; in the second half, I fought with my life to secure eternal wealth for you children and grandchildren. Am I not a wage-slave? I suffer so that my children and grandchildren won't have to."

Zhu Shuang shook his head and said, "Children and grandchildren have their own luck. Each generation has its own responsibilities. If you do everything, what will they do besides waiting to die?"

Zhu Yuanzhang scolded, "You brat, your hair hasn't even grown in fully, what do you know about national affairs? After you get married in two years, get out of here and head to your fiefdom."

"Can you change my bride? She's only twelve, I don't want to be a beast."

"Get out!"

The father and son stared at each other in silence for the rest of the boring journey. As they passed the Chunhe Palace, they happened to see the Crown Prince sitting in his sedan chair on his way to court.

***

Just as he was about to bow to the procession, Zhu Shuang stood up in the carriage and shouted, "Isn't this our Great Ming's Executive Vice-Emperor? You're going to be late, hurry up and get on!"

Crown Prince Zhu Biao was stunned. *I thought I was brave enough for standing up to old Zhu, but I didn't expect my second brother to be invincible.*

*Is that something I can sit in? Oh my, why do I suddenly want to sit in it so badly?*

Zhu Shuang laughed and pulled him onto the carriage. As soon as he saw old Zhu, he hurriedly kowtowed, "Your son pays his respects to Father, wishing you peace."

Old Zhu smiled at his eldest son, "I am well."

"Don't worry about the formalities. Come, Big Brother, sit here." Zhu Shuang pointed to the spot on the left of the dragon throne. Crown Prince Zhu Biao’s forehead was dripping with cold sweat. *Second brother, the old man is still alive and kicking, aren't you trying to get me killed? Although, I really want to sit there too.*

Zhu Yuanzhang snorted, "If he tells you to sit, then sit. It’s just a broken chair." He then glared at Zhu Shuang.

Crown Prince Zhu Biao, with an excited heart and trembling hands, walked to the left side of old Zhu and sat down. Fortunately, the dragon throne was large enough to just barely fit three people. The designer of the dragon throne probably never dreamed three people would ever sit on it.

Zhu Shuang watched Zhu Biao’s face go from beet-red to indifferent, and winked, "Big Brother, how does it feel?"

"It’s just okay. It’s not as comfortable as my sedan chair."

Zhu Shuang felt only envy, jealousy, and hatred regarding the sedan chair Zhu Yuanzhang had bestowed upon the Prince. It wasn't just made of full yellow pear wood and purple sandalwood; it had a huge pearl on top, Suzhou embroidery cushions, and the curtains were made of Shu brocade.

They were all sons, but some were driving luxury cars at a young age, while others didn't even have a shared bike. The conclusion was that everything depended on the efforts of one's parents.

"Big Brother, why don't you lend me your sedan chair for two days and you can squeeze in with the old man?"

*Who doesn't know you've been "borrowing" books from your father-in-law for ten years? Do I dare? My heart is trembling just being alone with old Zhu.*

"Brother, I can't make that decision." He glanced toward old Zhu.

"Father, we are all your sons, why are you showing favoritism? Get me a car to get around."

Zhu Yuanzhang sneered, "If you want a car, that's fine. Capture the Yuan Emperor and his Crown Prince and bring them to the Fengtian Hall. Forget the car; I'll even give you the position of Regent."

*Those three treasures are going to jump around in the grasslands for another twenty years.* Zhu Shuang immediately lost his steam. *Aren't you making things difficult for me?*

"Eunuch Huang."

"Your servant is here."

"Is there anything to eat?"

Huang Gou'er nodded numbly and signaled the maids behind to bring snacks and fruit onto the carriage. Because he was used to poverty, Zhu Yuanzhang didn't have the habit of eating breakfast, but these things were always kept ready—just in case he wanted to eat them one day.

"Brother, do you want some?" Zhu Shuang began to wolf down the food. The tribute Hami melon was delicious; only the Emperor had whole ones here. As princes, they were lucky to get a slice.

Zhu Biao had been reviewing memorials until midnight and hadn't eaten breakfast, so he didn't stand on ceremony either. A full plate of Hami melon was reduced to two pieces before Zhu Yuanzhang snatched it away.

Old Zhu scolded, "Your father hasn't eaten yet, and you rebellious son don't even know how to save some."

"Ah, isn't this your carriage? Why are you being so polite?" He stuffed a date-paste cake into old Zhu’s mouth.

Old Zhu nearly choked to death. Zhu Biao was terrified, snatched the water pot from the eunuch, and looked at Zhu Shuang, breaking out in cold sweat. *You almost made the Hongwu Emperor a laughingstock of the ages. My second brother is truly reckless.*

Zhu Yuanzhang’s eyes bulged like bells as he roared, "Rebellious son, do you dare commit regicide?"

"I was just afraid you were being too formal."

***

In winter, the ministers stood in rows in the open space outside the Fengtian Hall, shivering in the cold wind like quails. The Hongwu Emperor even deducted salaries and paid in paper money, so how could he possibly provide winter clothes or cloaks for their court robes?

In Zhu Yuanzhang's eyes, the death of a few officials from the cold was less concerning than the death of a few beggars on the outskirts of Nanjing.

This was the Hongwu era, where officials were like blades of grass. With old Zhu’s narrow-mindedness, one could only hope the scholars of Jiangnan would submit to his heart.

Zhu Shuang hurriedly urged, "A boss shouldn't be too stingy, or no one will work for you. At least give the ministers some thick clothes. Where is the dignity of the Ming court?"

Zhu Yuanzhang lectured, "What do you know? People are like livestock; if they are well-fed and warm, who will work hard for you? They'll only be lazy."

*With your mindset as a boss, it’s no wonder the four great cases of the Hongwu era turned into rivers of blood. It turns out you, the Hongwu Emperor, really treated officials like cattle and horses.*

As someone who started as a middle-level manager, Zhu Shuang truly looked down on this backward management system.

He called out to Huang Gou'er, "Eunuch Huang, have the XiXin Department prepare a copper hand-warmer for each minister, and say it was bestowed by His Majesty and the Princes."

Although Zhu Shuang dared to act foolishly in front of old Zhu, doing things to buy people's hearts was a taboo.

The Crown Prince looked at him with gratitude, while Zhu Yuanzhang snorted, his expression softening slightly.

Before finishing, he didn't forget to add, "Make them iron ones, and remember to return them to the warehouse after the court ends."

Zhu Shuang was speechless. *Ugh, the perspective.*