Chapter 11

The next morning, the snow continued to fall, though a faint glimmer of light began to emerge beneath the clouds on the horizon, as if signaling that the weather might clear.

Chundai accompanied Shen Zhiyi toward the mansion gate, her expression as sour as if someone owed her a fortune. Shen Zhiyi squeezed her palm and smiled, "I'm finally able to go out for a stroll; why are you so unhappy?"

Chundai glanced at her resentfully, wondering how she could still manage to smile. If it were in the past when the Heir Apparent took her mistress on a long journey, she would have been overjoyed. But now, the relationship between the Heir Apparent and her mistress was already strained, and he was set to marry another woman soon. Being taken on a trip at such a time felt like a bad omen. Unable to voice her concerns and unwilling to dampen her mistress's spirits, she could only shower her with endless reminders to take good care of herself.

As they reached the gate, Chundai’s pace faltered, and the smile on her face vanished instantly. Shen Zhiyi followed her gaze to see Pei Huaijin and Qin Yin standing beside the carriage. Qin Yin was on her tiptoes, adjusting the ink-colored cloak on Pei Huaijin’s shoulders while whispering something to him with a smile. Pei Huaijin stood still, occasionally lowering his eyes to look at her, his lips curling slightly in response. Standing together, the tall, handsome man and the petite, gentle woman looked like a match made in heaven.

Qin Yin was the first to notice them. Her eyes swept over Shen Zhiyi’s face with a look that seemed like a challenge or a display of triumph. She turned back, tugged on Pei Huaijin’s sleeve, and whispered something coquettishly. Pei Huaijin chuckled and nodded, his face wearing a tenderness Shen Zhiyi had never seen directed at her.

Having not seen him for several days, Shen Zhiyi’s memory was still fixed on the night they had parted in anger. She unconsciously clenched her hands and turned to walk back. Just then, Qin Yin spoke up, "Oh? Why is Concubine Shen leaving?"

Pei Huaijin turned at the sound, his eyes landing on her. The smile he had worn for Qin Yin faded, "Where are you going?"

Shen Zhiyi pressed her lips together, walked over, and curtsied to Pei Huaijin without a word. As she rose, Qin Yin stepped forward, took her hand, and said with concern, "I heard Concubine Shen hasn't been well lately. Your hands are so cold..."

Shen Zhiyi pulled her hand away abruptly, her tone icy, "That is no concern of yours, Miss Qin."

Qin Yin, not expecting such a reaction, was caught off guard as the flick of Shen Zhiyi’s hand struck her cheek. Qin Yin froze, her eyes turning slightly red, and she looked at Pei Huaijin with a wronged expression, clutching her face.

"Shen Zhiyi," Pei Huaijin frowned, "you..."

His stern voice faltered as he met the stubborn look in her eyes. His jaw tightened, and he said, "Enough. Get in the carriage."

"Brother Huaijin!" Qin Yin grabbed his sleeve, her voice soft and gentle, "I wanted to speak with Concubine Shen alone, may I?"

Pei Huaijin glanced at her, his expression softening, and he cautioned Shen Zhiyi, "Speak properly."

After Pei Huaijin boarded, the feigned smile on Qin Yin’s face vanished. She stepped close to Shen Zhiyi and whispered with a mocking laugh, "You must be very excited to be going on a trip alone with Brother Huaijin, aren't you? Well, I suppose..." She covered her mouth with a handkerchief, looking bashful, "Brother Huaijin is so good at taking care of people. Especially on the road back to the capital—when I was too scared to sleep at night, he stayed by my side the whole time. I suppose you don’t know what we..."

"Why are you telling me this?" Shen Zhiyi felt a tightness in her chest. She had no desire to hear about Pei Huaijin’s intimacy with another woman.

Qin Yin, unfazed by the interruption, continued with a meaningful smile, "I was supposed to go on this trip too, but..." She spoke vaguely, "Brother Huaijin said that because my cycle has arrived and I’m feeling weak, he worried the bumpy journey would be hard on me, so he asked me to stay in the capital. That’s why he decided to bring you instead."

Shen Zhiyi gripped her palm tightly. Even though she told herself she didn't care, a bitter ache rose in her heart. Qin Yin was frail and needed protection from the journey, but was she, Shen Zhiyi, just cheap and expendable?

Qin Yin reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Shen Zhiyi’s ear, her smile gentle and matronly, "On this trip, do take good care of the Master, and... take care of yourself."

***

Shen Zhiyi, unwilling to listen to any more of her passive-aggressive remarks, turned and walked to the carriage. She closed her eyes and took a long, silent breath to suppress the turmoil in her heart before stepping into the carriage.

Pei Huaijin was reading a book. He glanced at her as she entered and said to Su An outside, "Let's go."

The carriage began to move, the steady rhythm of hooves echoing through the quiet morning streets as they headed toward the city gates. Pei Huaijin’s slender fingers turned a page. Without looking up, he said, "What did she say to you?"

Shen Zhiyi gripped her handkerchief tightly and replied coldly, "Rest assured, Master, I didn't say anything to upset Miss Qin."

Pei Huaijin paused, frowned, and glanced at her, "Her sister’s death anniversary was a few days ago, and she is in low spirits. If she said anything you didn't like, don't hold it against her."

Seeing her lower her head in silence, he tapped his finger on the page, "There are candied fruits in the cabinet beside you. If you're bored, you can have some to pass the time."

"Oh," Shen Zhiyi responded.

Silence returned between them. The air in the carriage felt heavy and stagnant, broken only by the occasional sound of turning pages. Shen Zhiyi toyed with her fingers for a while before she couldn't help but steal a glance at him.

The sun had come out. The winter sunlight was warm, filtered through the silk curtains of the carriage window into a softer, golden hue that fell across his handsome profile, casting shadows beneath his thick lashes. His thin lips were pressed together, giving him an air of cold detachment. Could such a man really be as gentle and considerate as Qin Yin described, staying up all night to comfort her?

Shen Zhiyi lowered her eyes. Since the day she met him, the word he had spoken to her most often was "propriety." Was his definition of propriety only meant for her?

She thought back to the night they had parted in anger. She knew she had upset him, but Pei Huaijin’s inherent upbringing and arrogance made him unwilling to argue with her; he simply couldn't be bothered to pay her any mind. It had always been this way—whenever he fell into a cold silence, she knew she had displeased him. Back then, she had loved him so much that she couldn't bear to see him angry. She would try every trick to apologize, and if he ignored her, she would follow him around like a little shadow. She went wherever he went. People used to say that the third daughter of the Shen family lacked the modesty a lady should have. But the third daughter of the Shen family didn't want modesty; she only wanted Brother Huaijin.

Shen Zhiyi’s lips curled into a faint, bitter smile. Recalling her past self—that singular, reckless devotion—it felt so distant, as if it had happened in a previous lifetime.

She looked away, tucking herself into a corner and clutching her hand warmer as she closed her eyes to catch some sleep. Although there was charcoal burning in the carriage, the chill of winter still seeped in. Feeling uncomfortable, she shifted and decided to remove the silk cover from the hand warmer. Without the barrier, the warmth intensified, spreading from her palms through her entire body.

"Are you cold? There is a blanket in the carriage..."

Pei Huaijin looked up from his book. When his eyes caught sight of the hand warmer in her palm, his gaze sharpened, and a dark shadow clouded his deep eyes. A moment later, he scoffed, "He is certainly generous."

That hand warmer had been an imperial gift from the Emperor to Xie Changyu—a treasure tribute from the Western Regions. It felt like warm jade, providing heat without being drying, a masterpiece by Master Dantai, with only three in existence. And Xie Changyu had given it to her.

Shen Zhiyi didn't know the origins of the hand warmer; it had been sent by Xie Changyu via Steward Zhao, and she hadn't had a chance to return it. Perhaps Chundai had mistaken it for one of her own, and so she had used it.

Seeing her blank, innocent expression, Pei Huaijin frowned. He set his book aside, turned to look directly into her eyes, and said with cold severity, "Shen Zhiyi, as a woman of the Pei family, you should refrain from associating with other men. Such private exchanges are highly inappropriate."

*Private exchanges?!*

*She was having private exchanges with other men?!*

Who in the capital didn't know that Shen Zhiyi had eyes for no one but Pei Huaijin? Yet he accused her of this! The grievances she had been bottling up for days surged forth. She looked at him with reddened eyes, "What about you, Master? If I cannot have contact with other men, can you stop marrying Qin Yin?"

She knew these were words spoken in anger, but she felt the unfairness of it all and wanted to vent her pain. As expected, Pei Huaijin’s expression turned icy. He looked at her with eyes full of disappointment and disgust.

***

He stared at her for a long time, then closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his gaze was like a deep, frozen pool in winter.

"Shen Zhiyi—" He called her by her full name, his voice devoid of warmth, "Have you made enough trouble?"

He had spoken to her about this many times. Previously, he had considered her feelings and tried to reason with her, but she had always responded with silence. Why was she doing this now?

Shen Zhiyi was stunned; her heart felt as if it had been cruelly wrung out. She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze stubbornly for a long moment, then let out a soft, mocking laugh and lowered her eyes. Only the trembling of her lashes and the tiny, glistening tears clinging to them betrayed her true feelings.

Pei Huaijin stared at her, the veins on the back of his hand bulging. For some reason, an inexplicable irritation rose within him. Especially when faced with her red, teary eyes, Pei Huaijin—who prided himself on his self-restraint—seemed unable to control his own emotions. He loosened his collar and closed his eyes, his temple throbbing.

The carriage traveled for another hour before coming to a stop.

"Master, this place is spacious. We shall start a fire and prepare lunch here," Su An’s voice came from outside.

Pei Huaijin opened his eyes, glanced at Shen Zhiyi, and replied to Su An, "Arrange it." He then turned back to her, "If you are tired of sitting, you may step out for some..."

Before he could finish the word "air," the girl sitting by the door had already jumped up and, without waiting for the footstool, hopped out of the carriage in a huff.

"..."

Pei Huaijin let out a soft cough, adjusted his robes, and followed.

The party had stopped beside a pavilion. On one side of the pavilion was a steep cliff, below which lay a bottomless river valley with rushing water. After stepping down, Pei Huaijin saw Shen Zhiyi go into the pavilion. He didn't stop her, but he frowned, feeling that where she sat was too close to the edge of the cliff. Just as he was about to go over and warn her, Su An came to report, "Master, we are not far from Tong'an County now. Shall we have the cook prepare some light porridge and side dishes, and wait until we reach the county for a full meal?"

Pei Huaijin withdrew his gaze, "Very well, you handle it."

Su An grinned, "Then Master, you go rest with the Concubine, the food will be ready in a moment."

Pei Huaijin nodded and walked toward the pavilion. The wind was strong; the girl was standing by the railing, the wind whipping her pink cloak and hair, making her look even more fragile. Seeing her standing there all alone, Pei Huaijin’s brow furrowed, and his pace unconsciously quickened.

However, just as he was about to reach her, she moved. She stepped over the low railing and began to walk toward the edge of the cliff.

Pei Huaijin’s heart skipped a beat, his pupils constricting, "Shen Zhiyi! Get back!"

He didn't even know how he reached her so quickly. Just as her foot hung over the void, he lunged and pulled her back.

"Are you insane?!"

Pei Huaijin couldn't control his strength; he gripped her wrist so hard it pained her. The young girl snapped out of her trance, her face deathly pale. Pei Huaijin’s frown deepened. He dragged her out of the pavilion, clutching her thin wrist, his voice cold and harsh, "Follow me!"

He walked quickly, with Shen Zhiyi practically running to keep up as he dragged her back to the carriage. He threw her onto the cushions, knelt on one knee at the edge of the seat, and leaned in close, "Shen Zhiyi, what were you doing?! Seeking death? Huh? You've grown quite bold, haven't you?!"

He pinned her between his chest and the carriage wall, his voice raspy with an involuntary lingering fear, his grip loosening. Shen Zhiyi’s chin was red from his hold; her lips parted slightly as she looked up at him in a daze. Her tear-filled eyes were full of confusion and panic.

Pei Huaijin stared at her through gritted teeth. In the silent carriage, the only sound was the rhythm of his own breathing.