Chapter 5

The sun was unusually bright today, and by afternoon, all the snow had melted away. The sky was as clear as if freshly washed, and the air carried a moist, cool freshness, crisp and clean.

As Pei Huaijin stepped into Haitang Courtyard, he immediately heard the clear, youthful laughter of a girl inside. His footsteps involuntarily faltered.

He seldom visited Haitang Courtyard at this hour. Usually, by the time the servants informed him and he arrived, he would only find Shen Zhiyi accompanied by her maidens, standing politely at the doorway.

Pei Huaijin was not a particularly curious man, yet at this moment, he suddenly wished to know what Shen Zhiyi did when he was away.

He waved off the maid who was about to greet him, unconsciously softening his footsteps, then reached out and pushed open the wooden door.

The young girl still wore the same pale lotus-colored dress, neither new nor old. Since she had stayed indoors, her jet-black hair was loosely pinned at the back with a single hairpin, cascading like a waterfall down her slender, straight back.

In her hands was a handkerchief, and her long, slender fingers deftly embroidered delicate patterns upon it. Occasionally, she would glance sideways at Chun Dai beside her and exchange a few cheerful words.

When the girl smiled, two shallow dimples blossomed on her rosy cheeks.

Though she looked like a picture of beauty and delight, an inexplicable irritation flickered in Pei Huaijin’s heart.

He did not know when she had become so patient with embroidery, just as he did not know when that scoundrel Xie Changyu had taken an interest in Shen Zhiyi.

Recalling what Xie Changyu had said to him at the palace gate earlier, Pei Huaijin furrowed his brow. With a heavy step, he entered. The two on the couch turned their heads towards him upon hearing the sound.

Shen Zhiyi was clearly sharing something amusing with Chun Dai, her face still lit with a smile.

Upon seeing him enter, the smile on her lips visibly faded. Flustered, she stood and courteously bent down to greet him.

“My lord.”

Her delicate head bowed, revealing the elegant curve of her fair neck, her long, thick lashes fluttering gently.

Pei Huaijin’s gaze followed her movement to her face. The cautious expression there made it hard to imagine that the laughter he had just heard outside the door had come from her.

Without a word, Shen Zhiyi remained half-crouched.

Pei Huaijin usually only came to Haitang Courtyard on the first and fifteenth days of the lunar month. Last night, she thought he was visiting because he had just returned to the mansion. Unexpectedly, he came again today, catching her completely unprepared.

A faint unease crept into her heart. She pondered carefully whether she had done anything improper just now.

Her gaze settled on the pale yellow handkerchief in her hands.

Just then, Pei Huaijin’s calm voice sounded from above:

“I heard you embroidered handkerchiefs to exchange for silver outside the mansion?”

Shen Zhiyi’s hand trembled as she clutched the handkerchief and answered honestly, “Yes.”

Pei Huaijin’s tone grew colder by a fraction:

“Has the Pei household ever withheld your food or clothing?”

“Never.”

Even the charcoal fire, which was usually strictly rationed, had been sent over after Pei Huaijin’s return yesterday.

“In that case—”

From Shen Zhiyi’s angle, she saw Pei Huaijin’s thumb lightly stroking his index finger’s knuckle, a habitual gesture when he was thinking.

“Stop embroidering those handkerchiefs. If anyone finds out they came from the Duke’s mansion, it would disgrace our name.”

Her lowered lashes trembled softly, and the handkerchief in her grasp seemed to burn her fingers.

Quietly, she slipped it into her sleeve and obediently whispered, “Yes.”

“Stand up.”

Pei Huaijin stepped further inside, his eyes sweeping across the table where a tightly wrapped package of preserved plums lay. He turned back and asked,

“You didn’t take your medicine?”

Shen Zhiyi straightened and quietly moved her aching ankle beneath her skirt. “I did.”

“Then why didn’t you eat a plum? Don’t you like them?”

As he spoke, he reached out to brush the strands of hair that had fallen at her lips.

Unexpectedly, she suddenly tilted her head aside and instinctively stepped back half a pace.

“…”

The atmosphere froze briefly.

Shen Zhiyi glanced at his suspended hand and hurriedly replied,

“I do like them, it’s just… today’s medicine wasn’t very bitter, so I didn’t eat any.”

---

Pei Huaijin had seen the prescriptions given to Haitang Courtyard these past days. All the herbs were bitter medicines meant to clear heart fire. How they had become “not bitter” in her mouth, he could not fathom.

He assumed Shen Zhiyi was still struggling inwardly about his upcoming marriage and nodded, thinking she would come to terms with it in a few days. He said no more, slowly withdrawing his hand and pulling her to sit beside him. His tone softened:

“I haven’t eaten since noon. Will you have some with me? Hmm?”

Shen Zhiyi hadn’t been eating well either these days; her chin had grown noticeably sharp. Chun Dai fretted over how to coax her into eating more. Hearing Pei Huaijin’s words, before Shen Zhiyi could reply, she hurriedly exclaimed,

“Your servant will tell the kitchen at once!”

With that, she dashed out, leaving Shen Zhiyi no chance to refuse.

“…”

Only Pei Huaijin and Shen Zhiyi remained in the room.

For some reason, ever since learning he was to marry Qin Yin and that her own life was short, Shen Zhiyi’s feelings toward Pei Huaijin had subtly shifted.

Before, her heart and eyes were full of him; most of her love and passion in this life were devoted to him.

Even after becoming his concubine at the Pei mansion, she fashioned herself to his liking, carefully and cautiously seeking his favor.

Yet now, facing Pei Huaijin, she admitted she still liked him but could no longer summon the fierce, reckless courage she once had.

She began to view their relationship from an outsider’s perspective.

She finally understood his lack of love for her.

Seeing her unusually silent, Pei Huaijin glanced at her twice.

“Not feeling well?”

“No.” Shen Zhiyi shook her head.

“Since you’ve recovered, tomorrow morning you should go pay respects to my mother. She’s worried since you fainted last night.”

Shen Zhiyi knew Pei Huaijin was a man of strict propriety. If such an incident had happened before, even without his words, she would have gone to greet the Princess Dowager.

But this time…

Pei Huaijin picked up a calligraphy copybook on Shen Zhiyi’s desk and glanced at it twice.

“You’re practicing too tightly with this piece. I’ll have Su An bring the set from my room for you to practice. After half a year, your calligraphy…”

“I’m still weak now. I’m afraid I might bring sickness to mother. Besides, the Second Miss Qin attends her; she might not want to see me. I won’t go tomorrow morning.”

Pei Huaijin was cut off halfway through his sentence.

Her tone was gentle, not as if deliberately sulking.

He hadn’t expected her to refuse. A momentary shock crossed his face before he frowned and was about to speak when Chun Dai called someone in with the dishes.

He glanced at Shen Zhiyi and had to swallow his words for the moment.

The Pei household was strict: no talking while eating or sleeping.

They ate quietly.

Shen Zhiyi managed to drink half a bowl of soup with Pei Huaijin.

When he set down his chopsticks, she followed suit, sitting upright and waiting for the lecture he hadn’t yet delivered.

But after a while, when the maids had cleared the bowls and chopsticks, the man sighed softly and, breaking his usual habit, said:

“If you don’t want to go, stay in your room these few days. I’ll speak to my mother.”

Shen Zhiyi was stunned.

“Really?”

Her eyes, already beautiful, now widened with unguarded surprise. In her clear, limpid gaze, a delicate vulnerability showed, her tender lips slightly parted, revealing a glimpse of her soft tongue.

Pei Huaijin lowered his eyelids and looked away, the veins on the back of his hand gripping the cup clearly visible.

“Hm.”

Shen Zhiyi didn’t expect him to be so accommodating today. Watching his expression for a long while, she cautiously probed,

“Has my lord been free these past two days?”

“Three days off.”

The case of Feng Pin was temporarily settled. The Emperor, understanding that he had just returned to the capital, granted him three days’ leave.

“I… have two things I wish to discuss with you.”

Shen Zhiyi raised her delicate chin slightly, pondered, then gently tugged at Pei Huaijin’s sleeve with a cautious, pleading manner.

Pei Huaijin looked down at her hand clutching his sleeve—white and small, nails rounded and lustrous like shells.

He quietly withdrew his gaze. “What is it?”

---

After asking, Shen Zhiyi did not reply immediately. Instead, she tightened her grip on his sleeve, her palm sweating nervously.

After a long pause, suppressing her rapid heartbeat and dry throat, she forced out a few words:

“I… I want to visit the Shen family graves…”

Seeing his frown, she hastily assured him:

“I swear! I will only bow once! Just bow and then leave! No one will see me, and I won’t leave any flaws for the Pei family to be criticized for! I swear! Truly!”

Her voice trembled, her eyes reddening with urgency, her brows knitted tightly as she stared anxiously at him.

Pei Huaijin did not understand why she so urgently wished to go to the Shen family graves now, but…

“Now is not the time.”

At his refusal, her eyes reddened further, tears welling. She leaned forward, clutching him tightly, begging softly:

“I’ll be obedient! I’ll only bow once, and afterward, you can do whatever you want with me! If you think I trouble Second Miss Qin, I—I will ask to be dismissed! Huaijin, please…”

Pei Huaijin’s brow furrowed deeply, his tone turning cold:

“Don’t be willful. When the storm passes next year, I will take you there myself.”

Seeing her about to speak again, he spoke sternly:

“Do not mention this matter again.”

The Shen family incident was only a year past. Recently, an old case had resurfaced, dragging up the Shen family’s affairs and placing them at the center of public scrutiny. Shen Zhiyi appearing at the graves now would only invite trouble.

Besides, did she intend to part ways with him over this? To ask to be dismissed? Where else would she go? Who else but the Pei family could guarantee her safety for the rest of her life?

Xie Changyu? The man she barely trusted?

Pei Huaijin did not even know where this surge of anger within him came from.

After speaking, he turned his gaze elsewhere, his face cold, as if unwilling to hear more.

Leaving no room for negotiation.

Seeing him like this, a wave of bitter sorrow welled within Shen Zhiyi.

She slowly lowered her head, her palm weakly opened, watching his sleeve slip from her grasp. She muttered haltingly:

“I understand.”

Next year… where would she be by then?

Perhaps sensing the sadness in her voice, Pei Huaijin glanced back at her, reluctant.

“What’s the second matter? Maybe I can agree.”

Just then, a gust of cold wind swept through the courtyard, slipping through the window crack. Shen Zhiyi suddenly caught a faint scent of powder on her palm where she had gripped his sleeve.

—It was the same scent she had smelled on Qin Yin this morning.

Her heart felt as if gripped tightly, aching sharply, tears nearly spilling.

She bit her lip hard, forcing the tears back. After a while, she looked up and smiled:

“The second matter is, of course, to say that it’s cold now. Beijing isn’t like Pingjiang. Huaijin, you must take good care of Second Miss Qin.”

Pei Huaijin glanced at her.

He knew her original second matter was not this, but since she did not wish to say more, he had no intention to ask.

He simply replied with a faint “Hm,” his tone laced with displeasure:

“You need not concern yourself with others. Just mind your own affairs.”

Shen Zhiyi pressed her lips together, realizing she had spoken out of turn.

Qin Yin enjoyed the favor of the Princess Dowager and Pei Huaijin’s affection. Naturally, she need not worry about her. Pei Huaijin’s words clearly meant she was being too restless, fearing she might offend his future mistress.

Drawing a deep breath, Shen Zhiyi lowered her posture and quietly admitted her mistake:

“I understand. From now on, I will stay quietly in Haitang Courtyard and not go anywhere.”

Since she had mentioned asking to be dismissed earlier, Pei Huaijin had felt a stifling frustration rise in his chest. Hearing her say this, he intended to tell her she truly should remain quietly in the mansion.

But when he turned to meet the little girl’s reddened eyes, his breath caught, and he paused.