Chapter 8: Climb Out of Your Sight

To the world, you may be only one person; but to one person, you are the whole world.

The man gave a faint smile and said, “Come here. I have something to tell you.”

They looked at each other with tenderness, as though the world had shrunk to just the two of them.

Seeing that she did not want to intrude, the old matriarch rose and stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her.

When he saw the unnecessary people had gone, he drew her into his arms at once, pressed a gentle kiss to her eyelids, and said in a domineering tone, “No more crying. Your eyes are swollen like walnuts already. If you cry yourself blind, how will you count money then? My little money-grubber, I’ll be all right. Give me some time.”

She heard his teasing, but could not laugh. Only a pang of bitterness rose in her chest. He pinched her cheek and said, “Still, I don’t like a landlady with puffy eyes. If you want to stay by my side counting money, then rest properly, smile more, and don’t cry. Do you understand?”

His body was being tormented, yet he only wished for her happiness.

“Mm.” She suddenly opened her arms and wrapped them around his waist, burying her face against his broad chest. “Huaining, I’ll be good to you from now on.”

“How good?” He stroked her hair, resting against the crown of her head, and let out a low laugh.

“Very, very good...” In the depths of her heart, Xue Zuining made a quiet promise. She would love this man properly, and with it, make up for the love her mother had never been able to give.

He pressed a kiss to her dark hair. “I’m sleepy. Go tell Grandmother to get some proper sleep. Her health was never good to begin with, and now she’s worrying herself over me. She can’t go and wear herself out. You should sleep early too. If you stay beside me as you did last night, I might recover faster.”

“Mm.” She kissed his brow and smiled.

He loosened his hold, watching as she stood, straightened her clothes, and went out into the outer room. The door was not locked, and her soft voice drifted faintly back to him. He listened for a while, but in the end could not resist sleep any longer and drifted into a deep slumber.

Huaining’s condition steadied, no longer bleeding repeatedly as he had the day before. The old matriarch’s taut nerves eased a little, and the strength she had forced herself to gather vanished like smoke. At present, she was only a weary elder. After hearing Xue Zuining relay Huaining’s concern, she felt much comforted and lay down on the sofa in the outer room. Xue Zuining asked a nurse to bring a quilt. Only after the old lady had settled to sleep did she return to Huaining’s side. The matriarch watched her retreating figure, silent and thoughtful.

That back was so familiar, almost exactly like Zhong Yilan’s from years ago.

After washing up briefly, Xue Zuining returned to Huaining’s side and lay down. She carefully covered them both and took his arm in hers. Surrounded by his scent, she only felt warm.

This man loved her; she knew it, and could not bear to disappoint him.

She could not sleep. Her fingers brushed lightly over his cheek, then moved down along his neck until they paused at his stomach. She did not dare rest the full weight of her hand there, fearing she might only add pressure and discomfort. The stiffly held position made her arm ache, yet she did not want to move away. She had suffered stomach pain before; it had not been serious, yet it had been unbearable. He had coughed up so much blood—how much pain must he truly have been in?

At that moment, he must have been thinking of her, far away across the distance, yet she could not sense her beloved’s suffering.

She did not know when sleep finally took her. The next morning, when the doctor arrived, he was still asleep. She hurriedly got up to let the doctor examine him, washed her face, and then went out to buy breakfast for the two of them and the old matriarch. After they finished eating quietly, they went to check on Huaining and saw that his complexion had improved. Their own moods lifted as well. The old matriarch turned to glance at Xue Zuining and said, “Miss Xue, come outside with me. We should have a proper talk.”

Some things could not be avoided; what must be resolved had to be faced.

At her words, it felt as though a thread had lifted Xue Zuining’s heart and left it swaying uncertainly in midair. She clenched her fists quietly and followed the old matriarch into the outer room, where they sat facing each other.

Time passed softly, yet both of them understood one another without words.

The old matriarch was accustomed to exacting standards in all things. Now, because she worried about Huaining, she had not changed her clothes since arriving, and her sleep had been rumpled and ill-fitting; her complexion was poor as well. Xue Zuining feared that once the old matriarch calmed down, she might feel all manner of displeasure in her heart.

But by now, this was no longer something one person’s strength could alter.

Even before they had met, Xue Zuining had understood the old matriarch’s first impression of her. People unconsciously magnify the flaws of those they dislike. She tucked her hair behind her ear, helplessly accepting the situation as it was. Since matters had reached this point, she could only respond to whatever came.

Still, the old matriarch’s gaze upon her was calm, even carrying a trace of gentleness, which surprised her.

Xue Zuining adjusted her breathing and kept a proper smile on her face, quietly waiting for the other to speak.

“Yesterday, Huaining told me everything. Many of the facts were truly beyond my expectations. First, I must apologize for his shameful conduct, and on behalf of the Lu family, I must also apologize to you and your mother. Though I understand that no apology can make up for the suffering you endured.”

Xue Zuining was startled, then replied, “This was not your fault. For an elder like you to apologize like this, I feel quite ashamed as a junior.”

“It seems Yilan really did educate you well. She was always a generous person; I was the one who misjudged her.” The old matriarch sighed and said in apology, “It was this old woman’s poor discipline. In truth, I neglected Huaining terribly in the past. The so-called marriage was little more than form without substance, and what is more, I concealed the truth of Huaining’s birth mother. Because of that, his father was always cold to him, and the woman who was supposed to be his mother was only warm in appearance. So I was strict with him, even harsh at times, demanding much of his studies and conduct. Certainly, the care a child needs was something we did not give enough of. That he grew into the cold, proud nature he has now—that fault lies with us.”

Xue Zuining lowered her eyes, remembering how he had once mentioned in passing that when he was ill as a child, he still had to take his own medicine; the servants merely watched the master’s mood and no one truly cared for him. Her heart could not help but ache.

“I do not wish to interfere too much in the matter between you two. After all, as a grandmother, I only want my grandson to live well.” The old matriarch let out a long sigh. Her gaze lingered on the door to the inner room before returning to Xue Zuining. “Miss Xue, there was once a close connection between our families. I have made mistakes before, and this time, I do not think I can afford to be wrong again.”

When one grows old, the heart grows old as well. There is no meaning in fighting for more. What she desired now was only the joy of a household filled with children and grandchildren.

Xue Zuining widened her eyes at the old matriarch, her heart pounding wildly. Faced with such generosity, she did not even know how to respond, how to explain her own disappearance without trace for four years.

After a long silence, the old matriarch said, “I do not wish to bring up the rights and wrongs of the past. I also believe you understand how difficult it is for the Lu family to stand where it does. Anyone would find it hard. But to be fair, you are innocent too. Besides, Huaining has wronged you, and it is his duty to repay that debt even if it takes a lifetime. He cannot bear to be without you, and I will not make things difficult for you either. The reason I have said so much today is simply this: your matter with Huaining still cannot be made public. After all, Huaining’s engagement to Wan Yi is still in place. If it were exposed now, it would only hurt all three of you. Let us think it over carefully before deciding what to do.”

Xue Zuining pressed her lips together. “I understand.”

The old matriarch sipped her tea, trying to calm the turmoil in her heart. After a while, she said again, “I heard that you are married.”

Xue Zuining was startled, but could only nod. When she saw a chill enter the old matriarch’s eyes, her heart lurched.

That shadow across the old woman’s face lasted only an instant before she quickly regained her calm and warmth. Looking at her, she said, “I believe you must have your own difficulties. I only ask that you do not hurt Huaining again.”

After thinking for a moment, Xue Zuining replied, “I understand what you mean. I will handle my own matters as soon as possible and won’t bring unnecessary trouble to you.”

The old matriarch inclined her head. “If you need help with anything, just ask. Huaining and I certainly will not stand by and do nothing. The Lu family may not command the wind and rain, but we still have the strength to be worthy of your trust.”

“Thank you, Old Madam.” Xue Zuining echoed with a faint smile, though it did not shake the conviction in her heart. Many things would be best left this way.

The old matriarch’s expression softened somewhat. “Miss Xue, if you and Huaining are to continue on together, there will still be many things you must face. Family considerations are only one part of it. Huaining carries a great burden. The companion of such a man cannot simply be a woman who stays at home to bear children and raise them. I am not asking you to have the same ability to command the whole situation as he does, but you must be able to enter his circle. Formal social settings are not as they are portrayed on television, merely scenes for displaying jewels and gowns. Connections are built amid cups raised and lowered. When leaders travel abroad, they bring their wives; you must have heard the term ‘first lady diplomacy,’ have you not?”

Thinking of her younger self, the old matriarch warned her, “Improve yourself, support your husband. Though it may sound tiring, if you do not, the distance between you and him will only grow wider. Two people may fall in love through a moment’s passion, but to make it last, it must be maintained. A life with Huaining cannot be the romantic, flowery kind of wealthy-lady existence girls imagine. Prepare yourself.”

“I understand. Thank you for the reminder, Old Madam.” If this had been four years ago, Xue Zuining might indeed have feared that kind of life. But now, she had long since learned to face it calmly.

The old matriarch said, “Bear with it a little longer. Once Huaining has recovered, I will find a suitable opportunity to make your relationship public. I will be busy for some time, so Huaining will be in your care. You may interact as husband and wife normally, work through the adjustment, and see whether you are truly suited to each other. For the time being, I remain reserved in my judgment, but please understand my concerns. As an elder, I only want the children to be happy, and for that happiness to last, without great upheavals.”

Xue Zuining knew this was already a tremendous concession. Every word the old matriarch had spoken was reasonable and beyond dispute. After careful thought, she smiled and said, “Please rest assured. Since I have decided to be with Huaining, I have naturally prepared myself to face whatever difficulties may come in the future. Moreover, I will work hard to improve myself and stand beside him, not hide behind him and rely on his protection forever.”

“It is good that you think this way. You have had a hard time.” The old matriarch handed her a contact number and added, “If you need anything, call me directly. If that is inconvenient, you may call the butler instead.” With that, she went to look again at her sleeping grandson.

If all that had passed was now a punishment for the rights and wrongs of the past, then perhaps letting go was the best way to atone.